At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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