dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
