i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
