guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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