you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
