I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
