I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
