I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
