I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
