my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
