I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
