3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
