Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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