How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
