theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
