3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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