it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
