32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
