i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
