I wanna passion pit in your ass
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
