here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
