sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
