i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
