Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
