meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
