Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
