Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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