I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
