Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
