Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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