Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
True but thats because hes a fetus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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