he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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