Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
