Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
