at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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