your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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