just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
