Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
