honey bunches of taint.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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