Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
