we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
