i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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