shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
