that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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