escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
