Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
