the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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