getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
