Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
