is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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