Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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