Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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