I skipped work to stalk him.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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